Exhausting Self- Care


My eyes are dark and that damn Bell’s Palsy has shown back up!

All the pressures of relocating, the constant stress of trying to make everybody happy and never meeting anyone’s expectations! The house search is a real pain and I’m overthinking the whole process! All this stress and pushing to make a decision, is taken a toll on me and it’s showing up on my face!

Beside transitioning our whole life to a brand new state and the obviously stress it would cause anyone, I’m not meeting the challenge. I feel like I am falling so behind on everything that needs to be done, when you’re relocate your whole family across the United States.

I still have a damn Minnesota license and still have my CA plates on the truck! I’ve been establishing new doctors, making eye appointments, attending school meetings and creating schedules, keeping up with our relocation contacts, our lender, our realtor, making appointments to see houses and… some freaking way still trying to manage a normal household. I’m not managing well some days in my opinion.

Going to the grocery store, cleaning and doing the laundry, making dinner, doing homework, and trying to keep up bedtime routines, is a real struggle. I am hardly getting by some days. As much as I feel so much more capable now than ever before, I also feel like I have so much more on my shoulders that I’m handling, alone. Somedays I want to retreat and just give my brain a break from all of this. I want to let my brain- mentally withdraw, I need a bit of a break.

My husband has started traveling for his work a little bit. Because of that he has left a lot to me and when I need him, he’s too busy. I’m doing so much and I’m glad in away that I am able to. Less than 3 months ago I was in bad shape! There would have been no way I would have been able to do all that I am right now. I have to pat myself on the back for what I’ve been able to handle!

I was the one that scored us our leander and we got a loan for a new house! Also I found our realtor, who has been awesome working with our short amount of time! Even pushing to get a savings account and getting a down payment was all me!


I have to give credit to my life coaching and counseling for encouraging me every week to trust myself more. Even with pushback and having all these confusing thoughts coming from everywhere, I’ve trusted God and myself to make choices for my life and to guide my family.  

My coach pushes me every week to do something that’s going to give me more peace, joy, fulfillment and a successful life. All of those things have benefited my whole entire family! The Action plans, push me out of my comfort zone sometimes but they also uncomplicate my ambitions. This all helps to me untangle the web of overthinking that I get trapped in and start making a move towards freedom and happiness.

Talking to a counselor and coach, writing this post even now, is about working on me and trusting my own capabilities. It’s not that Jason couldn’t of done all of this because I’m sure he is smart enough to figure it out. I’m only highlighting the fact that in my mental state over the last year, I’ve barely been able to shower, let alone handle what I’m doing right now! Trusting myself to “adult” and move these feet wasn’t easy. I’ve spent along time paralyzed. Overcoming hurt, betrayal, fear and mistrust is an ongoing processes for me. It feels good to live in a forward motion but exhausting and scary also.

With little to no help at all currently, I have done quite well! Even with plenty of hiccups in the middle of all of this and still being treated like a piece of garbage half the time, I’m doing awesome! I know that I am not garbage by the way!  I am overwhelmingly proud of myself but I am also overwhelmingly exhausted. How many times have I said, “I’m overwhelmed and exhausted?”

I don’t want to come off as if I am ungrateful for the blessings that are going on! My life has taken a huge turn and I’m so beyond grateful for that! All the good people that have been on this path, guiding me along the way are heaven sent! Surely, I alone didn’t make these blessings happen without help! I am so thankful, so grateful for every single blessing. 

Without my coaching and my consouloring, I’d be lost! I would never had the ability to know the next step or even make a simple plan. There’s no way I’d been able to trust myself to do half of what I have done in the last 60 days.


It feels good after I rise up and meet a goal. That was the first step of the ARISE AND GO. It was the first step of trusting myself to a make decisions. The next part was making a plan! It helps to have this awesome coaching/counseling team to target in on what I really want to do. Sometimes my head is so loud that I can’t zero in on what needs to happen! My team helps me figure out how to achieve my goals and sometimes just to recognize what they are in the first place. Next, I need to know the steps it’s going to take to meet that goal. My team is just perfect at helping with this.

Every week they help me figure out a new thing, some task or goal that will help me ARISE AND GO, to better my overall place in this world. An Action plan that everyone will ultimately benefits from.

We talked about some really hard things at times too but I have to say this last week it was hard to come up with a small goal. Everything to me seemed so big and I’m just so exhausted. So I asked to do probably the most exhausting thing of all.

Self care.

I had bought two boxes of hair color several weeks ago and just haven’t had time to actually use it.

In between taking caring of everybody and “trying” to doing everything myself, I just haven’t had time to actually take care of myself. I knew it would make me feel better to color my hair but the only time that I had to do it was super late at night, when everyone went to bed. I didn’t finish and get myself to bed until after 11:30 PM. I was exhausted the next morning trying to get the kids up for school. I wonder if it was even worth it.

It was nice seeing myself in the mirror the next day with not a single gray hair! So I guess I can say that I’m glad my hair is finally done with.

Waiting the 45 minutes for the grays to melts away! Self care!

It’s the Arise And Go part has alway really been a sticking point for me. I know there’s things that I need to do and I know there’s things I want to do. I just never know that first step how to get there. Many people give up at this point and I have been this person most the time.

Now that I have this awesome team by my side to help me unravel the mess in my head-  clear up all the lies that had been told and light that darkness path after all the haters have blown out my flame…I feeling more empowered than ever.

It’s the story of my life and it’s why most of us give up on things or just never get started. You’re supposed to just have enough faith that can see through the fog and pain won’t pierce through your armor. But we’re human…I’m a broken human, most of us are.  Getting to the Arise and Go where God will move your feet in the right direction is ultimately where we want to be but sometimes it’s really hard. I try to remember that God has good plans for me and confusion does not come from God, so when I’m lost in an overwhelming confusing state that’s not God. I need to wait on Him and He will always show up for me. Always.

I know this post is a little all over the place but I am also a little all over the place. I hope you all understand. xoxo


4 thoughts on “Exhausting Self- Care

  1. Just do me a favor, stop what you’re doing and just close your eyes and breath. Might sound silly and dumb but it helps me.


    1. It most certainly does not sound dumb or silly to me. You have no idea how many times I’ve been told this.
      Just seems that some of the people that tell me to do this never give me a chance to actually take a breath.
      I literally have to lock myself in a closet to get a moment to myself but unfortunately in this tiny temp house, I have no place to hide.
      But I know soon I will have a space of my own 🙏🏼💕


  2. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with so much stress lately, but I am happy to learn that you do have the support of a counselor and life coach to help you!! Have outside people to speak to or work with is just so helpful sometimes.

    Also, I really like how you articulated faith in terms of having enough to see through the fog and trust in God as you push forward. ❤

    Wishing you all the best during this period of life transition!


    1. Thank you for your comment. Your support is appreciated 🥰 and means so means so much!
      I’m sure it will all be okay. I’m just a mess sometimes.


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